I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
