i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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