U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
