Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
