end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
