Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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