I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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