apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FUCK WHALES
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