We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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