Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize