dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
honey bunches of taint.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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