I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
