The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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