my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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