i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
its liver damage thursday
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