Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
