Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
