I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
