The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
