First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
