Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
