one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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