Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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