If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
