false alarm. still invincible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
