Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.

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  (781): Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there? (603): Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die. http://tfl.nu/1bcd
  Replies (12) Good night (1426) Bad night (651)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

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  (208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome http://tfl.nu/zb92
  Replies (30) Good night (2933) Bad night (6575)
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  (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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  (845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf
  Replies (147) Good night (1974) Bad night (5695)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.

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  (206): Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story. http://tfl.nu/dytn
  Replies (25) Good night (1098) Bad night (3695)
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  (516): View more from New York

  if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine

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  (516): if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine http://tfl.nu/b6e8
  Replies (6) Good night (2480) Bad night (3425)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
  Replies (15) Good night (5877) Bad night (1559)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

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  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (9022) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.

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  (617): It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics. http://tfl.nu/iz1w
  Replies (3) Good night (1118) Bad night (3145)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.

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  (316): I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants. http://tfl.nu/tqrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2664) Bad night (962)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.

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  (334): Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions. http://tfl.nu/wk8c
  Replies (1) Good night (1390) Bad night (766)
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  (315): View more from New York

  How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?

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  (315): How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'? http://tfl.nu/37h8
  Replies (8) Good night (1720) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?

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  (951): isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together? http://tfl.nu/lg5k
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (1527)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.

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  (516): Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy. http://tfl.nu/8uc8
  Replies (10) Good night (1074) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So, were they human bite marks at least?

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Your guess is as good as mine.

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  (617): So, were they human bite marks at least? (434): Your guess is as good as mine. http://tfl.nu/gi39
  Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...

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  (609): You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright... http://tfl.nu/5odl
  Replies (0) Good night (738) Bad night (560)

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