I hate all girls vehemently.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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