just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!