Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend