Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair