New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.