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ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Randomize
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