I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."