Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
