I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
