it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
