He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
