I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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