I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he puts the penis in happiness.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
