all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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