bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
