We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
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did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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