soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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