She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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