I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
