also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
