Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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