theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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