plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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