I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
