I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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