So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
