It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i came on her dog
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
