i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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