I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
