So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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