She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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