good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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