Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?