I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.