yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.