Ambien. No doubt about it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
