please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
