Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
