I'm so fucking centered right now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
