I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
