there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
