I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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