YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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