dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
