I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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