I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
