His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
