the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
