Welp...herpes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
