My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
