I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
