it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
why is half of my head shaved?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
