Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
