Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
