Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
