I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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