I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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