I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
