Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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