I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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