No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
