Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
