it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
