we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
