remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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