I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
God I need to hump something, right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
