I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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