Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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