Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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