so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
